As I write this, I am sitting around my dining table in my apartment (if it falls under that category of housing) and thinking. Thinking a lot while I munch on food. Things have changed. I have changed. I read two old posts of mine and thought ‘Where is that girl?’. My voice and creativity have changed and are not as pure as they were. I don’t mind change but I do mind when it takes up too much of the space that is reserved for purity and hope. I want to see blogging as extremely fun and satisfying again.
It is not that I have lost that. I started writing not for myself anymore and that is when I started to change. I was writing on demand for anyone that wanted. I was writing for someone to like it. I started writing because it was my escape and it kept me calm. It just so happened that people liked my recorded thoughts. It can still happen that way (even though I missed out on making many hilarious posts because of that change).
Since I have decided that it’s back to posting my thoughts, here is what I am mulling over:
How do you keep calm when everyone around you seems to be moving faster on their escalators than you are on yours?
- Truth is, it is hard. It’s a constant reminder that their destination is not yours.
- I have remind myself that their circumstance or situation is not the same as mine. I have to reassure myself of those things to keep calm and focused on the goal.
- It could also be that they are more prepared for their reward than I am. I can definitely think of one goal that I want but don’t want while I’m not prepared to receive it.
- It could also be that they aren’t on their way to goal they had set or to any goal at all. They good very well just be going.
Blinders need to be put on for 2017 because I don’t want anyone’s seeming ‘busyness’ make me lose sight of what I am working towards.
Nap time then back to work. (I have my fingers crossed that the second half of that statement works out).
BTW, have you heard Letoya Luckett’s Back 2 Life song? You should listen and watch the video.
I recently placed myself in a very high stress situation.
My head hurt, my brain would not maneuver the obstacle and I was frustrated. I became irritated and was just dishing out attitude. I even began to take feedback and general comments to a whole new level of personal.
I cried. Then I stopped and questioned my actions. This was not like me. I don’t do these things. Says who? Everyone has come to know me as a the strong-willed person that isn’t easily derailed and doesn’t show much emotion. No one ever stopped to consider why….
The thing is, I am a normal human being too. I get my feelings hurt too, I cry sometimes, I get nervous, I feel intimidated, I sometimes feel like I can’t do certain things and that I’m not good enough. This is just not the first ting you will know about me because its not what I want to be the only thing that comes to people’s minds when they think of me. I make an effort to be strong, to not cry, to tell myself that I can do it, that I am worth something because it doesn’t come naturally. I did not wake up like that!
Everyday I interact with someone, I challenge myself. I challenge myself to let them see an individual that I hope can somehow be projected back unto me. I hope they see the person I want to be, the person I try to be each day without casting judgement when a more human side shows.
I try not to over think things. I try not to cry when my feelings are hurt (or not to let them see me cry, at. least). I try things that I think are hard and not for me. Why? Because its a process of self discovery. I don’t think you stay they same forever and as such, I want to keep learning what I can and cannot do. I try not to let my fear cripple me. The fear is there, I’m just trying. I never want to look back and say ‘I didn’t try’. When I say something is intimidating its because that’s my opinion and I am entitled to one, as are you. It in no way means I have given up.
I recently placed myself in a very high stress situation.
My head hurt, my brain would not maneuver the obstacle and I was frustrated. I became irritated and was just dishing out attitude. I even began to take feedback and general comments to a whole new level of personal. But then I remembered I’m doing this for me. For myself. Not for the next person and their comments (negative or not). I’m doing this because I want to better myself. I tell myself that I can do it and its always nice to have someone in your corner believing in you too (thank you for telling me that I can do anything).
So why do I challenge myself? I challenge myself for me. To reinvent and discover myself. I challenge myself to become the person I want to be.
While texting a friend recently I said something to him after realizing how he responds to the paradox created by our next-to-dead economy. He said I should share my view on the text so I am obeying an order, I guess.
Jamaica is in a deplorable state right now. I fear that if we continue on this path unobstructed, we will end up like Haiti. Not saying Haiti is a horrible place but, be reasonable. Unemployment levels are beyond high. The value of the currency is about to reach the pits of hell. The cost of living and inflation make life even more unbearable. All of this may not seem to be anything to the one that is well protected but imagine having a job then losing it; the value of your savings shrinking to microscopic levels rendering them useless to sustain life till you get back on your feet; sliding a class or two lower than you were before (imagine the lower class people); relative that worked overseas and sent remittances home, now seem like they aren’t doing enough. You just cannot get by.
This state causes more of everything you are seeing now: More children on the streets selling to help provide for the family instead of being a child and staying in school; More hot girls sitting in taxis with only their fares in their purses; More Escalade drivers sipping on bag juice. It also leads to a rise in all the murders, robberies, acts of praedial larceny, violence against women and children etc. What you don’t readily see are the rising number of cases of depression which eventually lead to suicides or an increase in street people.
My friend seemingly gets sad every time he sees such things and ‘feels bad’ for the individuals so I texted him saying: “…Don’t let everything you see make you mourn for Jamaica. Just try not to be the reason someone mourns for Jamaica.”
I said it with the intention to get him from throwing on a sad face whenever he sees such thing because that would be very often but thinking about it, it’s also because I want good for him. I don’t want him to be broke with just enough money to get by. I don’t want him to be driving a car and sipping on bag juice (although they are quite refreshing). I don’t want his future daughter on the streets selling sweets or snacks because his ability to be a providing parent was taken from him. I most definitely don’t want him to be a headline for prime time news and give me a heart failure over grave news.
Things are bad and I think I’ve said it before that they are going to get worse before they get better. It’s up to us as family and friends to keep each other happy and in check so that we all can be around to enjoy it when it does get better.
Peace & Love…