“He was just a stranger with a drink. Till he spoke. Then he became an experience I wanted to have. Once, perhaps. That should be enough” she said.
“Hmm. What exactly did he say? What did you two talk about?” asked the therapist.
“It’s not so much what he said but how he said it” she tried to explain. “He spoke with such confidence. He commanded attention without raising his voice. That sexy voice of his. It’s like chocolate- he’s like chocolate. You just want to lick it.”
“So his voice is what attracted you to him then?” a valid question.
“That paired with his look. He had these eyes…I don’t want to say dreamy but they make you want to know what’s behind them. And when he smiles and they get even smaller, gosh it’s just an overall gorgeous look.” Smiling and biting her lips at the same time, the recliner transported her down memory lane.
“I knew he was taken but I just wanted to have some fun. After all, I’ve never seen a tree I wanted to climb and didn’t. I told him I wanted him and he was ok with the suggestion. So we had sex.”
“His voice drew you into bed with him? Is that what I am getting?”
“Ummm. I don’t know. Maybe because physically he’s different from what I normally go for but his different it good. He felt different and newness was sweet. He was sweet. I liked the feel and taste of his skin. I liked the fact that I didn’t have to say anything or ask anything. I like the fact that he just did it. I liked the fact that he didn’t ask me to do anything I didn’t want to simply because he wanted me to. I liked the fact that he made it easy to feel right. I looked past some things I shouldn’t have because after all I just wanted one thing and then I’d be gone but…I liked the sex more than I thought I would. I liked the feel of his body more than I thought I would and it happened again. I broke my rules with this man and when I said I’d had enough I let his voice and eyes pull me back. And ooooh, he’s so refreshing in bed.”
“Though I don’t condone messing around with men already involved in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with an occasional tussle between two consenting adults. This is probably what you needed, Ava” said the therapist, stilling trying to figure out the purpose of the session.
“You don’t get it do you? I developed feelings for this man. I wanted one like him for myself because I knew I couldn’t have him. I really liked him till I saw the family portrait in his wallet. He’s your husband, Carmen.”
Don’t come at me just yet, defending your men and what-not. Just hear me out real quick.
I was just recently catching myself up on Scandal’s Season 5 episodes and episode 15 – Pencil’s Down, had me a certain kind of way. Now Shonda has always had a way of taking viewers on a roller coaster ride of emotions for the 42 minute duration of her TV shows. I just didn’t expect this ‘wham-bam-thank-you-mam’ quick thing after that period of calm.
I am making reference to the short-lived but sweet little romance that was forcibly planted between Attorney General. David Rosen and Vice President, Susan Ross. In a matter of few minutes I found out they were in love then their ‘thing’ ended the same time.
I felt all the feels in the world when Susan asked David if he was cheating and after denying it and saying how he wanted only her, she leapt into his arms before he could complete his statement. I felt everything she was feeling. The reassurance, the comfort, the safety.
When David stood up to Elizabeth and told her that it (the “nasty” [David’s word, not mine.] affair) had to end. I felt proud of him. I felt that he finally realized the value of what he had in Susan. He should have stood up to Elizabeth simply because she emasculates him.
When Susan got a bit of advice from the President then breaks it off with David, her words and just the manner in which she did it conveyed a familiar feeling to me. Her heart was broken, she felt deceived and had already retreated to a place where she was before – focus on self and trust no man. Unfortunately, that meant taking up an old, bad habit.
Now to the meat. When David said “For what its worth, its over. I didn’t want to lie anymore. I didn’t want to cheat anymore. The thought of losing you, it made me sick to my stomach, so I ended it. I’m yours Susan. I love you. I love only you.” Susan’s look was LIFE to me! Because all I was thinking was what she must have been thinking. Having been in her position (not Vice President, lol) before, I know what that must feel like. I don’t want a man that realizes that I am worth being faithful to after he has already had his fill with cheating. I want a man who sees me as that valuable to protect what I had entrusted to him; my heart. Why would I settle for a man that cannot realise that?
Majority of the relationships I have been ended because of that same thing. Now I have decided that it is way better and my time is better spent valuing myself and doing what I want than to settle for a man who will do me dirtier than I could do myself. I just want to know why is it that men cannot value women till they are at risk of losing them? Why can’t men be satisfied with what they have? or at least content! Or better yet, why do men even bother to take the hearts of women they have no serious intentions for?
When a woman is betrayed in that kind of way, scars are left behind. Those scars will plague her and her next relationship. It hinders her being open to men because she doesn’t want that to happen again and she doesn’t know who will do that to her again.
What do you think ladies and gents?
What a journey it has been. The ups, the downs, the uncertainties – and here we are today able to celebrate the little accomplishments.
I know at this very moment you may identify with the feeling of exhaustion more than any other and yes, there will be time to rest. I will cater to you. It is my duty and you are my priority.
I just wanted you to know that I see the hours of work you put in. I see the attention you give. I know about all the sleepless nights. I see your overworking mind, never at rest. I see you making moves. I see the sacrifices you make and understand the skill you demonstrate in being mindful of your queen all while building a dream.
I want you to know that I see all that and I appreciate it and even more so I appreciate you. I appreciate you being a man in my life but not just any man –the real, amazing man you are. I appreciate how you make time for me and my problems. I appreciate how you listen to my ramblings. I appreciate how you drop everything to make sure I am alright. I appreciate how you ensure that my mind is at ease before bed each night. I appreciate how you relieve my stress. I appreciate how you make me feel safe and secure. I appreciate how you free my mind from worry by being true to yourself, to me and to us.
None of that has gone unnoticed and I want you to know that. I’m going to show you that.
I hope you like the contents.
Get dressed. We’re going out.
Then afterwards, I’m going to savour undressing you…..
I recently found myself in a position that I cannot recall previously being in….well not from the perspective I was in this moment.
I can hardly remember meeting a guy who intimidated me. I have met countless women who, for one reason or another, intimidated me. Men who intentionally try to intimidate me, achieve something completely different. They ignite annoyance and anger. However, many of the occasions in which intimidation occurred/occurs (whether I am concerned or not) happens unintentionally. Sharon Day of Sales Activation Group nicely lists some ways in which we are perceived as intimidating. Here are a few:
-Using industry or company jargon and acronyms that aren’t widely known or recognized.
-Using technical data or an excessive amount of numbers and calculations and then insisting on including and poring over all of the information in a presentation.
-When we speak above our audience, using big words when little words will do – communication only occurs when the other person understands what we’ve said.
-When we throw titles around. Although we may be proud of our accomplishments, people do business with people, not titles.
– When we emit swagger. Only swagger resulting from confidence is appealing; swagger born from arrogance is a turn-off; standing tall while remaining humble is best.
While her standpoint is business oriented, it is very true to human social relations nonetheless. I confess, after reading this, I may have very well intimidated a person or two while doing my job. It is not my intention…but what just dawned on me that it may be a subconscious act seeing how I was INTENTIONALLY intimidated by persons who had knowledge and experience with what I was just learning as a newbie.
But back to the real matter at hand. I found (I could say “/find” as this is ongoing but let’s not get into the technicalities of that because you very well be reading this in 2097 when I would no longer be around and going through this with the same man. So let’s just say I am referring to the very moment I realized what I was dealing with. I digress) myself intimidated by a man. To set context, this is a man I am attracted to and really like. I have definitely been in this situation before but as the one being intimidating. I sometimes do that just to see if the person will back down or prove that I don’t scare them and they can handle me. In those situations I am intentionally intimidating someone but this is not the same. I do not get the impression that this man is trying to intimidate me. If anything, it is the opposite. He has been nothing but a positive influence (for the most part) in my life.
So after really thinking hard about the situation my response can either be fight or flight; fight not necessarily being force or resistance but just dealing with it. The very thing about him that intimidates me, attracts me as well. This lead me to think that probably, the subconscious mind is leading me towards the very things I lack and fear, in an effort to make me a more rounded person. They say opposites attract….this can be argued either way with valid points but only time will tell what will come of this man now being in my life and I in his.
What do you think? Is his intimidation a way of competing with me and is my attraction to it a search for completeness?