I’m Super Girl
And I’m here to save the world
And I wanna know
Who’s gonna save me?
(And I wanna know why I feel so alone)
I don’t think a song has ever, so accurately, described my feelings.
My current situation has me feeling all kinds of alone and frustrated and a little sad (maybe more than a little).
Just today I was thinking (today isn’t the first but today the thought was really serious) that every time my friends are going through something, I am always the one offering help and trying to ensure everybody is ok. YET, whenever I am the one going through something (like the situation I am going through now) there is no one going out of their way or breaking their necks to ensure that I am ok. Why? huh, Why?
Lets just say that I am in a very uncomfortable situation and I NEED to get out of it. For better positioning of your mind, no, I did not put myself in this position. Let’s examine 4 case studies. After I shared the situation with some friends and one discovered it with me, here were the responses:
- One friend said they would check back on me and see how I’d be doing. At the moment of writing this post (published immediately after) it has been exactly 8 days and I have not heard a peep back from the friend.
- Another friend took all of an entire week before responding to me and don’t talk about busy. If this friend wants to contact me, nothing stops her. NOTHING. Not once did she ask about my discomfort or safety (just if anything was stolen).
- Another friend missed her two self-set deadlines regarding getting information to me that could help me get out of this situation. At the time of this post being written and published, I cannot get through to her to give her an update. Maybe she thinks I’m calling about what she voluntarily promised me.
- Now this friend is in a category all to himself. I wonder if I should even refer to him as a friend. Now this person is similar to me in a few aspects but so very different. I will say that this friend tried to help but was asking all of the wrong questions and really never satisfied a need. This friend actually couldn’t understand what the problem was and as such this created a mental barrier in my head against them (sorry). Being that they couldn’t understand the discomfort, I was left in the situation.
*NB. These are the same friends who would never let me celebrate a birthday alone. Now, had any of them (minus number 4 because they have never needed anyone for anything and I have said this to them before) been in the situation I am in, I would be the one sacrificing to make sure they are safe and ok. I would even go to the extent of breaking rules to ensure that they are a little more comfortable, that they have someone they can vent to, that they have a shoulder to cry on and just let is all out. Because, sometimes, life gets a little overwhelming.
But I have long time known and accepted that people don’t really care. They will ask you ‘how are you?’ out of manners or custom but really don’t want to hear anything but ‘I’m ok/ I’m good/ I’m fine, thanks’. Nobody wants to hear about another person’s problems. NOBODY. Even when they ask, they hope you spare the details and don’t talk about it for too long because they have their own “fish to fry”.
This is very unfortunate and it shouldn’t be the way it is. No one person can be that self sufficient to not need another person to lean on even if only momentarily. Apparently, my friends see me as that person. That person that always has a solution to every problem. That person whose problems are never bigger than them. That person who is tough. That person who will get through it. That person who will be fine. I think every time I have an issue they say “Charnele? She’ll be fine. She’s tough.”
I am not that person. Yes, I have been raised to be able to do certain things for myself but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like some help. And because I am treated like this, track record will show that I handle things almost always by myself. That’s the problem with being the strong person. No one seems to know that sometimes it gets to hard for you to handle it alone. No one knows how you cry over certain things. No one knows when you are truly unhappy.
Throughout this whole ordeal, the only two persons that related to my shock and discomfort and cared for my safety was my mother and a cousin I told. And to think I didn’t want to tell my mother because I didn’t want her to worry. I did anyway, after analysing all I just said. I just wanted my mother. She was hundreds of thousands of miles away though. She would get me and she did. I guess what they say is true ‘at the end of the day, family is all you’ve got’.
Still, how am I going to continue being Super Girl, saving the world if I still have to ask “Who’s gonna save me?“
Photo Friday goes way back……back to my high school years when Summer and Christmas camp were all we thought about doing with our breaks. So glad that I had these experiences and met people that I did. There is one person in this pic that I have know since I was a toddler and we have been through the education system together too…then higher education would have it that out paths took us separate ways. However, I’m glad to say we are business partners today and still have that bond.
This weekend, I’m home with family, and after the week I have had….I NEEEEED it!
Stop by Kay’s blog and check out her heartwarming post!
I searched high and I searched low for a picture to post today. I thought I would have one from last weekend but that didn’t pan out. So, here you go…a #flashbackfriday of sorts to a costume party in sixth form.
Please do check out Kay’s picture for today on her blog. Have a good weekend and let your smile burst!
Also, I need some feedback on my last post. Please and thank you! ❤
As I had promised the lovely Nekisha Lewis from the Black Zulu blog, I have shots of the style I decided on. I had a friend’s wedding to attend and wanted a style that no one else there would be wearing. I didn’t get to do the style I had envisioned but I was the only one there with my hair done like this, I assure you.
I’m tired. Let me preface with that. Being tired may affect the final outcome of this blog…which also means I will not proofread after the publish/schedule button has been hit.
The entire weekend surrounded the wedding of a friend of mine.
Friday: I chomped on pain killers and dragged myself to the venue for rehearsals. I arrived an entire hour late and was the first person to get there nonetheless. The venue spoke to me and the waves, wind and scenic view kept my company till the others arrived.
Saturday: After making it clear to all persons travelling with me (driver-friend included) that I have to leave by 2 pm to get to the venue beforehand and finalize some things with the groom, at 2pm there was no ride. My friend requested that I called everyone to ensure that they too were ready. I did that. Still no ride.
Me: Where are you?
Driver-friend: I am downtown coming up to your house now.
20 mins pass
Me: Where are you? It does not take that long from downtown to my house.
Driver-friend: Me a come, man, me come
Me: Dont lie to me driver-friend! DON'T LIE TO ME! You can tell me if you not in town yuh know!
Driver-friend: I am in town man, I'm coming to you now.
More time passed and I watched the hour slip by slowly. I have nothing called patience and the others travelling with me began to call my phone to find out what happened to us leaving at 2.
I was so livid, and understandably so, that I even got undressed. Took my clothes off and tried not to panic. Was this some game he was playing on me? I wouldn’t put it past him to say he would do something then not do it, simply for getting back at me for some long forgotten thing!
The wedding was set to begin at 4 pm and my friend, the bride, is a stickler for time so I knew she would not be an hour or two late to her own wedding. At best, my house was an hour away from the venue, barring traffic but this was Saturday, there would be traffic!!! A few minutes to 3 pm, when my companions had assumed I had left without them, my driver friend said he was on the hill behind my house (another lie I refused to believe) but then I saw his face in an unfamiliar car…
I had no time to take notice of anything. I was coaching myself to stay calm and not give off too much of an attitude when I got in it. We picked up my other friends and started to the wedding. It wasn’t until we had reached the highway and I saw police on the road that this car began to get interesting.
At an intersection, my driver-friend and another vehicle had an altercation and he began honking the horn but there was no sound! I thought he had broken it. But no, it was just stuck…it works like that!
Upon seeing the police, I reached for my seat belt to buckle myself in (I usually do this but as you could tell, my auto-anger management strategies had me preoccupied.)
Laughter erupted from the back seat off the car. “You just now noticing that? It’s the first thing I saw when I came in.” There was nothing for my hand to grab..nothing..no seat belt! No seat belt for the passenger!
Sigh…Going to the wedding and not wanting to sweat my outfit and make up off, I asked for some AC. My driver-friend chuckled “AC? the car doesn’t have AC”
Some moments later I asked my friend on the back why her window was still up. She responded “If I had something to wind it down with. Do you have a pliers or something on the front?”
STOP IT! Don’t Laugh at my predicament….Laugh at the car.
It gets better. We started to talk about gas for the car. The another friend from the back said “Um, how do you know how much gas you have?” and the other friend chimed in “I was wondering from the gas station ’cause I noticed that after you got gas the needle didn’t move”.
Driver-friend muttering: "Women, always worrying about unnecessary things."
After delving into the car and where he sourced it, we found out that he had bought it a few weeks ago for a special purpose and most things were intact. But now, everything was falling apart since they were being held together by krazy glue.
Anyway, we got to the venue in one piece, thankfully, then a friend of mine called to me from the back of the car to let her out. There were no handles to open the car door from the inside! What? After a quick inspection, I found out that only the front passenger door had anything to open it from the inside. Well, at least I had that. No seat belt but I could open my door from the inside.
Then there was the wedding, which was beautiful. Saw friends from high school and people from a while back. But back to the car!
On our way back home after midnight a karaoke challenge ensued and I was winning (if you ask me). In between song selections the car took centre stage again. My attention was drawn to the gear stick. The gear stick had no labelling except for a P and a red light shining through. The rest of the labelling had broken off and was now non-existent.
At this point, I couldn’t trust myself with laughing anymore (even though the biggest, duttiest laugh escaped my lips) and a friend from the back seat drew my attention to the speedometer, which had not moved from 0 kmph all day. So we didn’t know how fast we were going nor did we know how much gas was in the car. In an effort to console me, my friends began to point out the good things about the car:
- All three mirrors were present even though one was broken.
- The car had four wheels.
- The brakes and headlights worked.
- The radio worked so we didn’t have to sit in silence.
- The windshield wiper supposedly works but I stopped them from finding out. I couldn’t handle any more disappointment.
Sunday: Hangover medz from a night of no alcohol and coping with the reality that a hot girl like myself just spent the night driving in a Sunny.
Just so you know, I love my friends. We laugh at each other, with each other and we are still friends at the end of the day.
I dedicate this post to the beautiful girl (I mean gorgeous woman) that told me black women show never be afraid of wearing read lips.
Congratulations on your marriage Gabrielle. I am so happy for you!
While I did not buy a red lipstick on this trip I did spot one bold one and will be back to get it. I found two colours that I liked and decided to take home to try. These are drug store (pharmacy) brands cause a girl ain’t got money to be spending on a name!
This colour is Purple by Santee Juicy Lips.
I love the fact that this smells like bubble gum.
I don’t like that it is so glossy. It almost feels oily but I guess that just means no top gloss will be needed.
I also do not like that it takes several coats to build up to a visible purple.
I like the fact that it takes just two swipes and its on.
It has some shimmer which I had not bargained for but can live with.
I also like the way it looks. It almost has that everyday-wear-ability look to it .
Which colour is your favourite? And what do you think I should try next?
By the way, are you liking the new hair?
Where has the time gone? I am so tired. Still coming to grips with the fact that a week has ended. Anywho, today’s challenge is friends. Below are my closest friends in two of the many moments we shared. Kay has a great collage up. Take a look.
- Kay- Vincentian
- Ricky -Vincentian
- Adrian – Jamaican
Seems like my next vacation destination has been picked for me. Come, come $$$. You need to start rolling in now.
The first thing I saw when I signed into Facebook this afternoon was this collage that my Empress friend Ruth’N made for my birthday.
A me paree enuh!