“He was just a stranger with a drink. Till he spoke. Then he became an experience I wanted to have. Once, perhaps. That should be enough” she said.
“Hmm. What exactly did he say? What did you two talk about?” asked the therapist.
“It’s not so much what he said but how he said it” she tried to explain. “He spoke with such confidence. He commanded attention without raising his voice. That sexy voice of his. It’s like chocolate- he’s like chocolate. You just want to lick it.”
“So his voice is what attracted you to him then?” a valid question.
“That paired with his look. He had these eyes…I don’t want to say dreamy but they make you want to know what’s behind them. And when he smiles and they get even smaller, gosh it’s just an overall gorgeous look.” Smiling and biting her lips at the same time, the recliner transported her down memory lane.
“I knew he was taken but I just wanted to have some fun. After all, I’ve never seen a tree I wanted to climb and didn’t. I told him I wanted him and he was ok with the suggestion. So we had sex.”
“His voice drew you into bed with him? Is that what I am getting?”
“Ummm. I don’t know. Maybe because physically he’s different from what I normally go for but his different it good. He felt different and newness was sweet. He was sweet. I liked the feel and taste of his skin. I liked the fact that I didn’t have to say anything or ask anything. I like the fact that he just did it. I liked the fact that he didn’t ask me to do anything I didn’t want to simply because he wanted me to. I liked the fact that he made it easy to feel right. I looked past some things I shouldn’t have because after all I just wanted one thing and then I’d be gone but…I liked the sex more than I thought I would. I liked the feel of his body more than I thought I would and it happened again. I broke my rules with this man and when I said I’d had enough I let his voice and eyes pull me back. And ooooh, he’s so refreshing in bed.”
“Though I don’t condone messing around with men already involved in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with an occasional tussle between two consenting adults. This is probably what you needed, Ava” said the therapist, stilling trying to figure out the purpose of the session.
“You don’t get it do you? I developed feelings for this man. I wanted one like him for myself because I knew I couldn’t have him. I really liked him till I saw the family portrait in his wallet. He’s your husband, Carmen.”
And just like that she was gone.
By the time I realized it was already too late.
Criticising an individual flaw that sets one apart, is never the best way to point something out.
Don’t ever do it.
Especially when it runs deep and connects to a haunty past of childhood trauma.
For some strange reason, I couldn’t relate. I couldn’t empathize.
God knows that I would take the entire moment back if I could.
How could I claim to love someone then hurt them so bad?
I cant understand it.
Just when things were going great and we had plans for a future…
Like a bomb went off, it all came tumbling down.
My entire life became a shadow.
No light, no hope, no reason.
Of course there are ‘other fish in the sea.’
Please, don’t with the cliches.
Quirks and all, that was MY fish.
Regret is just one of the many emotions I’m feeling right now.
Sad is an understatement.
Unwilling to carry on, is closer to what it really is.
Veering dangerously close to the edge.
When you’ve lost the only person that matters, life becomes unbearable.
Xerophytic without her love.
You’re gone now, so what is left for me to do?
Zig zag through the world until I meet my end.