I recently found myself in a position that I cannot recall previously being in….well not from the perspective I was in this moment.
I can hardly remember meeting a guy who intimidated me. I have met countless women who, for one reason or another, intimidated me. Men who intentionally try to intimidate me, achieve something completely different. They ignite annoyance and anger. However, many of the occasions in which intimidation occurred/occurs (whether I am concerned or not) happens unintentionally. Sharon Day of Sales Activation Group nicely lists some ways in which we are perceived as intimidating. Here are a few:
-Using industry or company jargon and acronyms that aren’t widely known or recognized.
-Using technical data or an excessive amount of numbers and calculations and then insisting on including and poring over all of the information in a presentation.
-When we speak above our audience, using big words when little words will do – communication only occurs when the other person understands what we’ve said.
-When we throw titles around. Although we may be proud of our accomplishments, people do business with people, not titles.
– When we emit swagger. Only swagger resulting from confidence is appealing; swagger born from arrogance is a turn-off; standing tall while remaining humble is best.
While her standpoint is business oriented, it is very true to human social relations nonetheless. I confess, after reading this, I may have very well intimidated a person or two while doing my job. It is not my intention…but what just dawned on me that it may be a subconscious act seeing how I was INTENTIONALLY intimidated by persons who had knowledge and experience with what I was just learning as a newbie.
But back to the real matter at hand. I found (I could say “/find” as this is ongoing but let’s not get into the technicalities of that because you very well be reading this in 2097 when I would no longer be around and going through this with the same man. So let’s just say I am referring to the very moment I realized what I was dealing with. I digress) myself intimidated by a man. To set context, this is a man I am attracted to and really like. I have definitely been in this situation before but as the one being intimidating. I sometimes do that just to see if the person will back down or prove that I don’t scare them and they can handle me. In those situations I am intentionally intimidating someone but this is not the same. I do not get the impression that this man is trying to intimidate me. If anything, it is the opposite. He has been nothing but a positive influence (for the most part) in my life.
So after really thinking hard about the situation my response can either be fight or flight; fight not necessarily being force or resistance but just dealing with it. The very thing about him that intimidates me, attracts me as well. This lead me to think that probably, the subconscious mind is leading me towards the very things I lack and fear, in an effort to make me a more rounded person. They say opposites attract….this can be argued either way with valid points but only time will tell what will come of this man now being in my life and I in his.
What do you think? Is his intimidation a way of competing with me and is my attraction to it a search for completeness?