Jealousy

Jealousy.

It is one of those emotions that I never liked and still don’t. While growing up I tried not to be jealous of people. If I saw something I wanted, I just made up my mind that I would get one for myself.

I seemed to have everything under control until recently. Recently I have been feeling jealous….frequently.

Definition of jealous in English: (Oxford Dictionary, so you know it’s real…lol)

adjective

Feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages:

 

I was jealous of the “perceived advantages”. I am so annoyed. Even reflecting on it makes me feel so annoyed. This is not me. I don’t get jealous. Simply for the reason that I never take/claim ownership over any possession.

That’s all good and well when the matter is about an inanimate object. When the heart comes into play then everything goes haywire. Rules are of no importance, logic whispers but cannot overpower the shout of jealousy and for a moment a different you, takes over your being.

I get jealous over the stupidest of things.

  • It was  simple “good morning” – a display of manners.
  • It was a harmful joke – whatever happened to my sense of humor?
  • That’s how friends say goodbye – whatever happened to a goodbye hug?
  • Proximity should be a non-factor here – I mean, c’mon! Its a party. Everybody has to get real close just to share a message.
  • Familiarity is something that you can’t avoid – these people have known them way longer than they have known you.
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone being friendly and nice to someone – is there?

Those moments annoy me.

But then there are moments when my jealousy is founded.

Those moments worry me.

They say ‘a woman always knows’. And I get the feeling that I am going to lose something.

Not because of the jealousy but because of the fact that everything is causing it.

I sometimes wish I could go back to being completely unbothered by things but I believe that is a thing of the past. I just hope I will be able to handle everything as it happens.

 

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