At a loss for words.

Directly related to: Letters.

This morning around 3:30 am I awoke to several notifications on my phone. One of which was an apology message.

At university I had this 1 male friend with whom I was pretty close in my first year. In my second year he didn’t live on campus and I saw him less frequently. However, one night I really needed someone to talk to. I needed him so I called him crying. He was concerned and told me he would be there in a few days.
He showed up and we went somewhere to talk. Little did I know I was about to lose a friend. I told him what had happened and no sooner than I did, he told me the choicest of words and never to speak to him again. I was floored. He left me standing there like ‘what? I don’t understand.’ I was alone and scared.
I did not see that coming. That was 2010. Since then we have spoken about twice. One of which was him telling me that he doesn’t know why I hate him so much. I told him I didn’t so he asked why I was so cold. I asked him if he really didn’t remember. He seemingly didn’t but I couldn’t act like I didn’t lose a friend when I reached out for help, support and a listening ear.
Fast forward to now. He apologized for what he did ‘that night’ and for turning his back on me and ‘it was one of the worst ways he had treated a female who looked to him as a safety net’. He said other things and ended with ‘you don’t have to reply. I just wanted you to know how I feel.’

In all honesty, I wouldn’t even know how to respond. All that keeps coming to my mind is ‘you remember’.
I remember seeing him on campus and having to act like I didn’t know him. Eventually I didn’t have to act because he became someone else.
Its because of that night that I don’t like talking about things I am going through because I have this fear that it will drive people away, people I don’t mind having in my life.

I simply don’t know how to respond to him.


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