Yet Another Post about Death

If you want the more pressing and disturbing side of the inevitable appointment, click here to read my first instalment. This post is much lighter. I by no means want to make the matter trivial but I had to say something.

Having recently attended the funeral of a man I had never met and never knew about till he died, I have come across some things that I have never thought happened at funerals before (for the most part). After witnessing all that I did, I am determined to let my friends and family know that these things SHOULD NOT take place at my funeral (whenever that day may be).

  1. I respect people’s time. I don’t keep people waiting thinking they have nothing else that they could be doing at the time. As such, my funeral must start on time. Can you imagine I showed up 15 mins before the stated time for the funeral and counted roughly 15 persons? The pastor didn’t even show up till a little more than 1/2 hour after the funeral should have started. THIS AIN’T NO WEDDING!
  2. I will need someone at the door to vet the clothes that persons wear into the church. 1st of all, I do not care who you are or what relation to the deceased you are or what statement you are trying to make. Cover your damned self! And on top of that, NO ONE should enter there wearing red. Its a funeral, don’t be trying to shade the dead.
  3. My family should be among the first to arrive, that is if they can bring themselves to attend. I sat there and even after the funeral should have started only three distant relatives had arrived. When brothers and sisters arrived you best believe they did nothing. Pall bearers disappeared when the funeral was over. The men from the funeral home had to fill in and I am sure they weren’t being paid extra!
  4. Whomever is handing out my funeral programmes had better look like they want to be handing them out. Can you imagine my shock when the programmes finally arrived and I saw a woman sitting two seats behind my just handing out a few with persons leaving their seats to walk up to her to get one?
  5. Funeral Programmes should be vetted by a family member before they are printed. The picture on the cover was the most stretched, pixelated image ever! Not to mention the new lyrics they gave to the hymns. I will leave that task to my best friend. She likes when things look good.
  6. The men covering the grave were the absolute slowest. So much so that all the graveside songs were sang and repeated and they still didn’t finish and I left before they even did complete the task (even the pastor took a food break). Another thing too…don’t be standing at my graveside and not sing (even though I stood there with my mouth shut).
  7. My sister will be in charge of food. Not the cooking cause she hates cooking but managing it. She is like me and would not serve anything she wouldn’t eat (presentation and preparation). I love manish water. Absolutely love it! So I took a cup when it was offered. It was hot so I blew on the top only to see an ant floating around and the hairs he probably used as life rafts. 😐





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