I Wish We Didn’t…

I don’t know exactly why I am blogging about this. I am not even sure I want to remember this. At times I feel like your memory is a plague and I just want to forget, but for some reason, its not as easy as I would like it to be.

I remember the day we met, though your account was from earlier. It was at the corporate football match I was dragged to on my first day. The players were giving their valuables to me to hold and you came up from behind me and put your blue rasta chain around my neck. I was startled and you said “You should feel honoured. That doesn’t come off for just any and anybody”. Immediately I disliked you but I was intrigued.

If that wasn’t bad enough, when the match ended and I was being taken back to my residence, you came out of the vehicle as well. Like wth? Where do you think you are going? Only to find out that you are a Brother of the North. Because of traditional loyalty I now felt the need to be less hostile towards you.

I remember also one day at work you just came up to me and scribbled your number into my palm and said “I know you want it”. You were so cocky! Ugh! Never thought I would grow to love it. I also remember not giving a hot damn about the number till after I had washed my hands and it faded.

I remember walking back from my bestie’s surprise birthday party and a bus pulled up to our feet with someone saying “Hold on. She looks familiar” then you jumped out. We stayed up for hours talking, laughing and fooling around like you didn’t have work in the morning. At this point I still wasn’t sure I liked you.

I remember having only one night to move all my belongings from my room to my new flat ½ way across the hall and I needed help. I called you and you gladly came over. I thought, ‘well this big strong man can certainly move more things than I could and in less time too!’ LOL We took more time than if I was doing it by myself! I don’t know what you were thinking the whole time but the fact that you had to stop and play with me in between the trips, said something. Then at the end of it all, you kissed me.

I guess it made a dent in my armour because I started giving in to you. We started hanging out more. You would come over, I would come over. We would do nothing and everything and it would be fun. With all that we still knew this was supposed to be nothing because we were honest from the get-go. Well at least I was.

Your conscience cracked and you told me your secret. I forgave you for not being honest, not for what you hid. But we moved on.

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That’s what shouldn’t have happened. We lost sight of the fact that we both said we didn’t want a relationship and ended up with one. We lost sight of our summer deadline and lasted way too long. I fell in love and it fell apart.

Cant be Friends

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