“When are You getting Married?”

In recent times I have been asked on countless occasions ‘Yuh nah get married?’ or ‘When are you getting married?’ Right now, that question along with ‘So where you working now?’ are the most annoying things that I can be asked.

I don’t like being asked when I am going to get married because it seems too much like my marriage is a goal in your life. What if I should decide not to get married? Will you be devastated? Whose life am I living?

For a while, everyone around me and the females I went to school with were all getting pregnant and I was just over here in my corner like ‘no rush’. Now everyone around me is getting married and I am still in my corner but this time I’m like ‘to each his own’.

My stance on the matter these days is that I think

I feel like everyone is getting married for the wrong reasons

Too many persons are getting married because others want them to. Too many persons are getting married because they want to have children in wedlock. The bottom line is that couples are getting married to please others and not themselves. That’s not me! I am not a people pleaser. So much so that when in high school I overheard that I was supposed to marry (nothing less than) a lawyer or doctor I developed a dislike for those guys and even when I met them at university I was never seriously attracted to any (with valid reasons). Where I am from its a tradition to take home your ‘betrothed’ for approval from the family and church for doting and fawning. I’m not up for that. I can guarantee that the person I find that makes me happy will not please all of the above for their purposes and I refuse to find someone for them and not for myself. Too stressful man!

Church folks discriminate

Now this is where I know I’ll get a lot of flak. The church in which I grew up has (unintentionally??) conditioned our minds to believe that persons outside of the church should be avoided unless you are witnessing to them. As a matter of fact, that is all you should ever do with them. So at work, in the supermarket, walking the street…once you have to interact, preach. If you even become involved with someone outside of the church you are doomed and on a path to hell. I don’t believe it is so. Not every non-Christian person is the devil’s spawn. I have done my looking around the church and NO I have not seen anyone I would even consider a relationship with much more marriage to. Aren’t there good men elsewhere?

I have a hard-to-please family

I have known this for a long time. Not everyone in my family is but several of them are critics. They do not stop to consider conditions that may lead to situations, they just criticise everything. Do something they don’t like and you will never hear the end of it. I have an aunt that is upset that I studied what I love instead of law in college (like she was gonna pay my tuition!) If I bring home someone they don’t like, they will not be bashful and hide it. I can’t be bothered with that. Same thing goes for the church folks. Is it awful to say I am waiting on some persons’ expiration date?

I like my space

I like my alone time and lots of it. I don’t like being disturbed when I am in my zone. I also do not like being in people’s personal space for too long because I then feel like I am being a menace to them (even if I am not). For this reason my family could classify me as a hermit. Until I find someone that I can be comfortable enough with to move past the ‘dismissal point’ and feel as if I can’t bear to be away from them, then maybe I will consider marriage to that person.

I like giving people their space

I can only be in someone else’s personal space for so long before I begin to feel like I have overstayed my welcome and I am being a bother to them. At the first signs of that, I am ready to flee. For this reason I always leave before that happens. Until I can find someone who can tolerate that or not show their annoyance…

It’s not for everyone

There are some things that are just not for everyone. I have been recently tossing about the thought in my mind that happiness is not for everyone. BUT back to the matter…marriage is not for everyone. I believe that. What if I am one of those persons that it isn’t for?

In conclusion, to answer your question I would say, ‘I don’t know. Who says its for me?’

…Unu gwaan! Mi a go elope.

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