I loved the sciences as a teenager. I was never good at physics. It made no sense to me. I thought I had gotten the hang of chemistry but now I am not so sure. Biology, though, biology and I clicked. It is also surprising since I declared a hatred for science in the fourth grade at primary school when the teacher took us outside to look at living and non-living things.
A big, red ant bit me on the finger and a bit of blood began to surface. I showed it to the teacher and she slapped me on the finger with the ruler. Ms Bailey…never forgot, liked her otherwise. Still hate red ants.
Fifth Form Bio
Anyway, I was never interested in medicine because I am too queasy and I hate the smell of medical facilities. My first time to a hospital (besides my birth) was at age 15 when I went to visit someone and I was beyond uncomfortable. I loved biology nonetheless and learning about the human body. I did not see this changing my life and affecting my future in any way. However, one day we started the topic of Reproduction. ‘No biggy’ I thought. ‘We know what happens already’. Little did I know that since I was in 5th form at the time I would be going in depth (pun intended) in the study. One day while finishing up the topic, the teacher sat us all down – class of 18-21 teenage girls- and made us watch real footage of a woman giving birth.
That did not bother me because I had read that that is what happens. Babies are no longer delivered by storks. The vagina is an elastic muscle and it stretches to accommodate passage. As I said before I am queasy. There are some things I cannot see! I just cannot! As a result, in anticipation of things that will make me quiver I look away during parts of horror films. What changed my life and posed a great problem for me was when I saw the doctors’ hand reach for a pair of scissors and cut the woman’s vagina……………………………………………Yes, you read correctly. He cut the woman’s vagina to allow the baby’s head to come through. (I’m feeling sick just recalling this memory)
I’ve been Changed
Ever since that day I have not looked at child bearing the same. I thought the vagina had no limits to its stretching ability. I was wrong. I also thought that every vagina would go back to its natural state after delivery. I was also wrong. I cannot ever imagine a doctor cutting my beloved vujayjay. I would die. My body maximizes/exaggerates pain. After that day, I no longer wanted to have children. I would be a mother still because there are so many babies waiting to be adopted and loved and cared for and I could take one or two.
Two Little Boys
Sometime later, not sure exactly how long after, I met two little boys while working at Vacation Bible School. I still remember their names to this day (M.E. and J.B.). Two sweet little boys who stole my heart. They were mischievous, active, sweet boys. I have not seen them since but I watched those two little boys be boys and had little moments when they would come sit with me and talk. I wanted two sons just like them. Just like that, two little boys I had never known before got me to want to have my own children again someday. I wanted to dive head first into the mommy role; changing diapers, wiping noses, chasing behinds, going to football practice and all. They got me to want to go through the whole process of a natural birth.
While interning at a local radio station in 2011, two of the women there decided to share with us their delivery stories. One was an older woman the other was the same age as me. From the way they spoke, they loved their children without a doubt but they scared me just a tad bit. One described the pain as ‘…it feel like 10 load a shit a come dung pon yuh 1 time!’. I cannot handle pain well. I become of no use to anyone, not even myself. If they had stopped there it would not have been so bad but the older lady went on to say ‘Some woman actually pass that during di whole ting’. The ‘that’ she referred to was faecal matter.
I did my research and yes, it actually happens. My thoughts kept shaking my head and asking if the universe was trying to bully me.
Where I stand Today
Well. Thanks to my two little inspirations, I still want to have my own children. Despite how sweet they were, they could not erase that scissors image from my head. Because of that, I don’t like big head guys. I don’t want to fall in love with one then worry about the size of my unborn child’s head. And not just that, but also what it will do to my beloved vujayjay. I also wanted my husband in the delivery room with me while I gave birth just for the support but after reading what I did, NOPE! Forget it! My friends keep saying ‘you’ll get over it’ and ‘what are the chances of that happening to you?’ but I would never survive the embarrassment. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to deal with the doctor and nurses again but my husband would be there EVERYDAY! I would remember that he saw me shit myself while giving birth to his child. I would die! I am now terrified of the child birth experience.
And that, my friends, is how biology changed my life.