Looking at it, I had my life together at one point. This point was in the first five years of high school. I know what you must be thinking; ‘How is that even possible? You were just a kid.’
Yes I was, but in comparison to the state that my life is in now, I had it together. Maybe it was not all by my doing but I wish life would go back to a state that has a similar situation.
I had money
I had never worked but I managed to save from what little I had been given. At one point I had so much change, I was the weekly cambio for my mom who wanted to change her $1000 bill into smaller notes. Even my older brother was impressed and had me change money for him too. I never saved with any goal in mind. I just saved. I never had much needs or wants to spend money on, so I just saved. Now…it’s shameful. I have not saved in forever. I have had too many needs and wants and I have this mindset that if I want something I should get it for myself without the help of anyone. I find it so sad because I am always talking about the importance of budgeting and saving, yet I didn’t do it. Having a budget idea in your head is not enough. Put pen to paper and make a real budget. Keep that budget somewhere you will see it and check with it.
That last bit of advice is more for me than anyone else.
Maintaining Friendships were Easier.
All my friends were in the same local. Granted that I didn’t go over to anyone’s house to hang out, I saw them weekly if not daily. We attended the same school and church. Chilling and hanging out would happen when I went to school and church. It was easy. Now after we have all gone on to different areas of life and college, we have been scattered. Along with that, I have met other friends at college that live EVERYWHERE! We are all over Jamaica with a few outside of Jamaica, making it that much harder to keep in touch regularly.
I enjoyed life
I like what I did; studying. I like learning. I liked going to school. I was excited about the seasonal activities as school that showcased creativity and talent. Now, I’m not so sure about the enjoyment thing. I feel like I’m just existing, not even living. I am a creative person. Visual arts that require precision to execute are not my thing. I cannot draw a straight line, even with the assistance of a ruler. I can visualize how I want something to look and communicate that idea but to manually make it would be a disaster. The other arts are my forte. Now I am not doing what I love. It’s not because I don’t want to but the means of doing so are just not there.
I had a routine
Routines are boring. I can agree on that with you but I had a routine that ensured that I had something to occupy my time. It was not always something enjoyable but I was doing something and never had enough time to be sad or feel depressed.
The future was not so imminent
The future will forever be approaching and even when it gets here we will still be looking to the future. It’s just the way time works. What I meant was that the future that we were all preparing for was not to so close and upon us. There was still time to live. Now that future that we were preparing for in school is already here. The problem though is that we were preparing for a utopian future and got this jacked up mess.
I take some joy in knowing that history has a way of repeating itself so that type of situation will return and I hope I am ready to take the most advantage of it when it comes. Right now I am going through the ‘primary school’ stage of my life again, the period of great dependence.